The Prison of Emotion

The Prison of Emotion

It was my third meeting with Alexander at the restaurant in the city. This meeting made us more open and closer to each other which enabled us to exchange our views and experiences without any hesitation or fear. I still clearly remember the first meeting at which he introduced himself, “Hi, I am Alexander Robertson.”

He continued, “I enjoy the unique taste of coffee at this restaurant, and above all, I enjoy its country music played for its customers.  The crowd gathered in the restaurant brings me here every day. I enjoy interacting with people of different backgrounds and learning about their way of life. This is the main reason I come here. I am an author. This restaurant provides me the opportunity to learn more about human behavior and to write about it. I get different subjects about which to write while overhearing peoples’ conversations. They talk openly about their ups and downs, joys and sorrows, and achievements and struggles.” 

At our third meeting, Alexander said something very interesting.  He said, “I spent 25 years in prison. I had been sentenced to 50 years in prison by the Supreme Court. If I would have served the entire sentence, I would have died there. Unexpectedly, my life took a different turn. The court released me earlier on the basis of the positive changes in me.

I asked, “What crime did you commit?”

“I killed two people in the hotel with my pistol.”

“Why did you kill them? Were they trying to kill you?”

“No.”

“Then, why did you kill them?”

“Actually, I was a gang leader at that time. The gang challenged me to kill them.”

I kept silent.

“I regretted the crime because I killed two innocent people. They had done nothing wrong.”

He continued, “I would be happier if I had not been freed.”

His statement astonished me. I asked, “You should enjoy your freedom. Now you are free to go anywhere you like.”

Alexander said, “My freedom is ruining my life.”

“Why and how?” I asked immediately.

“When I was in jail, I realized that I was being punished for my wrong doing. That realization satisfied me. Now that I am out of the jail, I feel guilty all the time.” Alexander explained.

“It is better to live in a physical jail than to live in my own emotional jail. Now I am out of the physical jail, but in an emotional jail. Living in my emotional jail and regretting the committed crime is much more painful.” Alexander said and vanished.

Alexander’s last statement ignited my mind to find the meaning of an emotional jail that he was in. What is it? How does it make one feel?  Have I ever been in an emotional jail?  I wonder.

Bishwa Raj Adhikari